The Diary of a PK...

Does Anybody Hear Her?

VIDEO "Does Anybody Hear Her?" By: Casting Crowns

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you’ve entered the church doors, you are greeted with such loving, warm embraces…but other times in your life you’ve entered the same doors, and had nobody there to even say hello? 

I wonder how people who are unsaved, living lost and in the world feel about that. I wonder how difficult it must be for someone who is living in rampant sin, and doesn’t know the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Savior to walk through those stained glass doors with so much judgment looming.

I can recall vividly a time in my life, when I was at church, and this wasn’t just any church. It was actually the church that my father founded, and to this day is still pastoring. That morning, I was rushed to get ready, in a hurry as usual.

I knew the “rules” of church choir were to have skirts that came to the middle of the knee. As I got dressed, looking down, my skirt seemed to be fine to me. Apparently I was wrong.

So I get to church, everything seems fine. Until I walk back into the choir practice room, and there I see a sight I will never ever forget.  There stood a choir member, and not just any choir member; but the very one whom I respected so much ever since early childhood, when she won me to the Lord in Sunday school. There she was, pounding like a raging lunatic at this sign on the wall in front of all the other choir members. What was the sign, you ask? It was the dress code rules. She apparently noticed that my skirt was a tad above my knee. I don’t know…apparently that can get you impregnated or something – who knows.

Now I won’t suggest that being the daughter of the Pastor did not get me that oh-so-unwanted-and-never-asked-for negative attention that I never bargained for being born into my family. However, this was just appalling to me. There she was, being loud and obnoxious, condemning me in front of everybody, because of the inch long difference in my skirt. Huh. Mmmk.

In my horror, I turned around, and left the church that day. It was either that, or turn back around and beat her until she had no face left. Yes, even as a Christian, that crossed my mind- sad to say. But God already knows my heart, and being that I’ve since learned to ‘only answer to HIM’ I really see no point in lying to you.

Instead, I fled as fast as I could. Went home and penned a letter to my parents. For obvious reasons, I won’t get into 99.9% of that letter on this blog. What I will share is this:

I remember vividly understanding for the first time, what it must be like for a prostitute to enter the doors of a church. For an alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, rape victim, or some young woman who’s had an abortion to walk through those stained glass doors. How wretched of us, even as professing born-again believers to behave in such a miserable, unloving manner. I told them very clearly that if this is what was the normal behavior of Christians, that I would never ever step foot in a stained glass building again. I’d rather watch from the outside looking in like all other sinners. Because that’s all any of us are, is sinners. Some of us just happened to be saved by grace, because of our free will to accept His gift.

Initially, as human nature would have it, I did succumb to harboring bitterness towards this person. After all, who wouldn’t?  She completely humiliated me in public, and for what? For her own inadequate feelings of self-worth, that’s what. Ultimately, I realize, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. But I myself am not perfect by any means, and even before she asked, I had forgiven her simply because Christ asks us to. I realized even then, that harboring resentment would not harm her, but it would only harm me.

Since when did being a born-again Christian mean that we have entered this realm of exclusivity?  As though we all should be sporting white robes whilst enjoying our “God Club” and drinking our “God coffee”, so to speak. I am not suggesting by any means that we should advocate sin. Clearly the Bible teaches us that we are to be ‘in’ the world but not ‘of’ the world. So yes, we should be separated from the world by our deeds and our actions. I do however, think it’s time for us to get out of our “God slippers” and stop pretending that “Godbucks” coffee is only for an elite group of believers. We are to bring in the lost!!!

But what all exactly does that mean? Does it just mean we shouldn’t be going to bars? Does it just mean we shouldn’t be doing drugs, that we should not be partaking of sexual related sins such as adultery, fornication, homosexuality? Does it mean that we shouldn’t be having abortions?

The answer is simple. Yes. It does mean that we should not be doing any of those things. BUT!! What else does the unsaved world do, and how does God expect them to behave in their sin? Are they forgiving, or do they hold a grudge. Well, we know as Christians how hard it can be to forgive even when we know God’s call on us to do so. Imagine not being saved, and having someone molest you as a child. Would you forgive WITHOUT the hope of Christ? Mmm, probably not.

Is the world judgmental? Do they make assumptions on people? Does the world gossip? Does the world slander and tear down people’s character? Yes, they do. So what I am proposing here is just a simple thought for all of us to ponder, and remember I’m always preaching to the choir.

Maybe we should consider not being so harsh and so quick to cast stones. Maybe we ought to remember that it isn’t just the ‘major’ sins (as we might call them) that we are to separate ourselves from, but all of the other sins as well. The judging, having a condemning spirit, slander, gossip, defaming another’s name or character. And by the way, those secret “prayer requests” I’ve heard people using? Um, while one may think they’re being slick, they’re not. A prayer request is NO way to gossip. If a person confides in another, it is not that other person’s place to ask 10 others to pray for them, ALL IN CONFIDENCE, OF COURSE.
Now, I realize most of us consider ourselves to be super-savedJ so naturally, this wouldn’t apply to those people. This would only apply to the people who actually want to keep it real, and acknowledge that if something is quacking, it’s probably a duck.

I don’t advocate sin, or partaking in other people’s sin by association. God is clearly against that. What I do advocate is that for each and every one of us, He would have died had there been no other. We were all born equal. There are not ‘super stars’, no ‘celebrities’ neither in Heaven nor on earth. The one TRUE “Star”, Jesus Christ, died for ALL of us so that we might live.

Philippians 1:21  For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Please understand, I do not speak out of a bitter heart. I speak out of the abundance of what God has shown me, and taught me out of life experiences. I am passionate about life, and about people. I always have been. If I am called according to His riches in glory, then I cannot rest until I share what I’ve learned. I’m not trying to step on toes, or ruffle feathers. Well, actually. Maybe I am. Sometimes, the truth hurts…even me. Selah.

 

 

 

 

There Will Be A Day...

VIDEO "There Will Be A Day" by Jeremy Camp  

 

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

Healed?

Saturday was a very rainy day here in Ohio...not that sweet little rain shower that just drizzles down the window and makes you want to snuggle up and love on someone. No, I'm talking about gray skies, gloomy all day, and the consistent pitter-patter of rain that just inherently is going to be annoying for a whole plethora of reasons. But, in spite of the sky crying, we decided to venture out for lunch and movie day. Apparently, it really WAS “cloudy with a chance of meatballs.” However, upon getting to the theater, at the last minute, I decided to go into a different movie than the boys. So, as they went off into animated world, I decided to see “Love Happens.” This ended up being exactly what God had ordered for me.

I'm not really here to review this movie nearly as much as I am to be transparent regarding how it affected me personally. I'm going to review what I took from it, why I loved it, and how my face decided to rain almost as much as the Ohioan skies. First, I suppose I need to fill you in just a little bit; of course, I won't give away anything pertinent to the movie or it's ending. But, it would be safe to say that I, just like everybody else, have my issues. I have demons I struggle with. You know how the story goes...you think you're healed of something and it goes away for a while. And then it happens. That one moment of 'trigger-dom' where something happens that completely brings to mind the memories. You see, that's the thing about loving God but not BEING God. We can (and are commanded to) forgive, but we can NOT forget. Forgetting, unless in a coma, is not possible. Of course, there is such a thing as suppression. Things we bury in 'hopes' of forgetting about. But ultimately, once branded in our hearts, our minds, our souls and our spirits...these things will always remain.

The main character, Burke Ryan, is a self help guru. He's an author who has devoted the past few years of his life on his new book, “A-Okay” where he is reaching out to troubled souls to assist in their healing, as they have all lost someone to death. Eloise, one of his loyal side kicks and romantic interest, is there every step of the way. Not just necessarily to sing his praises...but more to remind him of the truth about himself that he doesn't want to see.

Let's just say, I'm not Eloise. I couldn't help myself during this movie but see myself in this man. The deeper I dove into the story, the deeper I was forced to dive inward. For as long as I could remember, I have been creating in almost every aspect of my life. Inevitably, I typically have helping at least 'someone' in mind, when I create. When I was a little girl, I would sit on my bed quietly and I would write stories. I would escape the reality of my life, and come up with everything imaginable. The stories almost always involved children of happy homes. I would also write a lot of poetry, as well as just 'verses' so to speak that were poetic in their flow. Of course, I would write songs as well. Go figure.

I remember being as young as 5 yrs old and designing clothes with just about anything I could get my hands on. Paper, pen, pencil, markers, and any fabric or materials I could drum up. Creating has always been a way of release for me. A way to escape, a way to take my energy and produce something helpful with it. But, more importantly, the one thing I've been most excited about when it comes to my creativity, is how often God has used it to bless someone else. Whether my words on paper, whether singing on a stage, whether a spoken testimony, whatever the case might be...God has given me ample opportunities to use my experiences to help others. It's very humbling, actually. Especially when you realize half the time you aren't sure what to do to help yourself! Many times, it happens without my ever even knowing it's happening. Until, that is, somebody comes to me after the fact and shares their heart on what God did for them. I understand God enough to know it's never my own doing; but it is ALL the work of the Lord. In me is no good thing. Certainly without His mighty hands, I have no power to heal. But in His abundant grace, He has 'used' me to 'help' be a healing comfort amongst hurting people. Which leads me to reason for this post.

Last week proved itself to be one REALLY bad week. One of those weeks where you keep thinking tomorrow is going to be better, but it only gets worse. There are different 'trigger' factors to demons in our lives. I must have experienced 50 trigger points this weeK. So yeah, I've had better weeks. In my usual busyness, sometimes I'm forced to remember to ask myself this question; am I healed? Have I truly taken the time to deal with me, and all the things I've gone through in my life? Sure, I've prayed about it. Sure, I've even 'forgiven' in my heart...at least as far as I know. But what happens when things you need to forgive continue taunting you? If the oppressors never really change their ways? All I know is this; I am SO far from perfect. SO FAR from it. But, one thing I can tell you is this. I genuinely care about people. It's easy for me to love even a stranger. Just ask my friends...I do it all the time. I've never had this same kind of acceptance for myself, and I think that carrying that burden has become heavier than I bargained for. How easy is it for one to get so wrapped up in wanting to help others, that they forget to take care of their own hearts healing in the meantime.

Overall in my life, I'm a very happy-go lucky kinda girl. I love things that sparkle. I love sunshine. You know the deal. But, there are just those times when it hits me...I have SO many open wounds and so long as their open, salt is going to continue to make them burn. It's in the healing process that we find peace and comfort from what once brought us pain. On any level, one can only stretch outward to help as much as their arms will allow. And, if your arms are infected, stretching is going to hurt sometimes. How important is it, then, for us to be able to look into the mirror and seek our own healing? To beg God for restoration, for restored joy? I'm confident He will answer these prayers. But it's up to us to ask. It's sad, but often times in the 'christian' world, you find yourself feeling as though you must act perfect. For many of us, it was our upbringing. If your not perfect at all times, Lord knows there WILL be someone standing by to defame your character, to condemn you. Usually, of course, it's the person with the greatest track record themselves. You know how that goes. Sad to say though, it's a very relevant issue amongst believers that gossip and slander are no stranger within the walls of the church. And I must say, it is this VERY epidemic that often times is exactly what leads people to feel 'afraid' to reach out for help. Shame on us. And God truly help us all, if we can't figure out a way to help others who are hurting.

Well, there ya have it. I loved the movie. I loved Burke's character. But most importantly, I love the fact that only God Himself can take even something as simple as a movie to wrap His arms around you. To show you a mirror image of yourself. Only God Himself can love us that much. I'm reminded of one of the songs that I love to cover...”Completely.” It's a word for word reminder of what it takes to be healed.

Thought to ponder. When you see someone who needs loved on, don't spit at them. Reach out and help them up. Because the next time? It might just be you.

Luke 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

Completely......." Ana Laura"

The angel knew me by my boots...

“Millions of angels are at God’s command.”  - Billy Graham

 

So there I was, all dressed and ready for church.  Dressed up all cutsie like, in my vintage yet whimsical sundress, kinda Taylor Swiftish if ya will. And what went perfectly with my little dress on this particular Sunday morning? That’s right…you guessed it. The perfect pair of cowgirl boots. All bronzy brown and leathery. I couldn’t have made them any cuter had I have made them myself.

 

Now, so far this doesn’t really seem odd, I know. But wait. I’m not done yet. So we get to worship. Everything is hunky dory normal. Pull up, park, walk, enter. Now mind you, we never enter the sanctuary from the left. NEVER. We tend to like to enter from the right. Now, that may or may not have ‘something’ to do with the fact that that is where the coffee is served. I mean, I’m just sayin’. But on this day? What’s that? I see you guessed it! Yep – we entered on the left. Still seemed pretty normal. At least at the time. Little did I know what was getting ready to go down.

 

As we’re walking in, my husband sees someone he knows, so of course, we ignore him. Nah, just kidding.  We walk over to say hello, as we offer the good ol’ fashioned handshake. Other than that, I hadn’t noticed much of anything else, except that worship is getting ready to begin. I don’t notice any on-lookers, no angel’s wings, no nothin’ but an awesome praise & worship song to usher in the service. We hurry and pick up our communion as we sift through the crowds to find our place. Ya know, the bum resting place, otherwise known as a pew. Wow. Worship was amazing this day.

 

Now, here is where I suppose I should rewind just one day. Previously, on that Saturday, I finally broke down and went to see a homeopathic practitioner. I deal with extreme fibromyalgia, which is accompanied by a lot of headaches and fatigue. I’d been learning about herbs, and how God’s natural ‘medicine’ could heal. But, ya know, I was still a little skeptical, wanting to make sure I wasn’t getting into something that was all ‘guru-ish’ and whatnot. And, even though I felt a strong peace about it, I still wouldn’t have minded getting a word from God to confirm.

 

Fast-forward back to bum resting in the pew. Now, growing up, going forward seemed to be a regular event in church. But, not so much as the years have gone by. Mostly because the church is so much larger, and well, I don’t always feel you need to move forward to encounter the presence of God. If anything, I’m more likely these days to just go ahead and grab a visit from my bum rester. It’s just easier that-a-way. So, the Pastor is speaking, and things seem normal still yet. EXCEPT…my husband gets a word from God (that he of course doesn’t tell me about, because we’re in the middle of church! And of course I would NEVER talk in church). This is what He hears, as well as I can remember to quote it…”You both need to come forward today, and I am going to give the Pastor a word about Heather specifically to confirm it for you.”

 

Okay, so now Tim is all, what? Really? WOW. Whoa. I’m sure he’s thinking he wishes he wasn’t such a reserved guy at that point. I mean, if that were me, I’d have already told him in like, 3 different ways, AND written him a note about it. All that, whilst chewing my gum. Anyways, I digress. So he doesn’t say a word…not even a peep. The service is coming to a close and the Pastor begins to pray. The prayer seems pretty normal to me. He’s speaking God’s wisdom over the crowd. Giving people the opportunity to come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord. Still, nothing too unusual...until.

 

Until he stops speaking, and gets really quiet. (Quoting as I can remember) “I am getting a word from the Lord. I’m hearing in my spirit that there is somebody in here suffering from great physical pain, maybe back pain, headaches, allergies even.” WHAT?! Now remember back when I said God had given my hubby a word that the Pastor would say something ‘specific’ to my needs, to confirm we were to go forward? So I open my eyes and look at my husband, and he’s already misty eyed. Keep in mind, at this point I STILL didn’t know about his word from God.

 

So, of course, we begin to walk forward. As we progress down the aisle, there is at least a hundred or more others doing the same.  Sometimes you expect to wait a little bit for someone to pray over you. So, we decided to just go ahead and pray together, by ourselves. And that’s when it happened. There she was. She walks up to us and says, “would you like for me to pray with you?” To which we replied “Absolutely, thank you.”

 

As we bowed our heads, my ankles began to quiver and my legs began to shake. This wasn’t any prayer she prayed over us, she was specifically praying for me. Every single need and thought, that I had going on in my heart during that time, she began to pray about.  Within just a few seconds, tears began to pour out like rain. Not drizzle. Down pour. As I began to sob, she too began weeping. The more we wept, the more detailed the prayer became. At that point, I was sobbing so hard I could barely catch my breath. There was no ‘hiding’ this kind of weeping. We were all a mess, including my husband.

 

So, as the prayer finally began to come to an end, we were all just standing there with our arms outstretched around each other. I still couldn’t stop crying, nor could they. As she looked up so humbly at me, she started to speak these words…and remember, she doesn’t know me at all. “I believe that the Lord sent me over here. I believe that He knows exactly what we need, when we need it. And I believe, that He sent me specifically because I have experienced those same kind of traumatic events, also. Although we have different circumstances, I share your grief over the things of the past.” Me – still weeping. Husband – shaking at the ankles because remember back early on? About the word from God he received about God calling us forward for my healing?” The woman – as sincere, as sweet, and as humble as I could ever imagine an angel being. We literally felt the kindness, and the warming love she was pouring out on me. Although we had never met, somehow, this woman knew me. SHE knew ME.

 

And then…she proceeded to look down, below the hem of my sundress. She looked back up at me and said, “When you walked in the church building today, I noticed you. You walked in from the left (remember, we never do) and as and your husband began to walk towards your friend, I was standing right there, and I saw you.” “Really?” I asked. “Yes. And as I watched you, the first thing I thought was what a beautiful girl you were, and how much I loved your dress. But then I looked down, and your boots caught my eye. They’re adorable, and I just thought how perfectly you seemed put together.”
“Wow!” I said. “That’s so weird, because I purposefully looked around and didn’t see anybody even that nearby, and certainly nobody I thought was looking at me.”

 

Then she gives me the clincher. “It was at the time between looking at your boots, and realizing how well you seemed put together that I heard God’s voice in my ear. He said to me, “Remember her. Start praying for her now.” So what do we have? An entrance to the left that never happens, but happened. A woman I never saw, who had me memorized and was told to begin praying.  A word from God directly to my husband that told him He wanted us to move forward for prayer, and He would confirm it from the Pastor.  A word from the Pastor confirming the word from God to my husband. The word from the Pastor also confirming about my decision to begin a homeopathic remedy in the area of physical health. And an angelic woman with more love in one finger than some carry in their entire body. A woman I did not know, but who God used to see through me, for me. To bring healing.

 

She shares with me, that it was at the precise moment that she glimpsed “my boots” walking down that aisle, did she realize why she noticed me so much. Why God told her to remember me, and to begin praying for me. So as she rushed down the aisle after us, do you think it’s any coincidence that nobody had been available to pray with us yet? I think not. God met me there on that day. I took out a piece of paper and wrote down her name and her phone number, as well as gave her mine. She was blessed by that.

 

I have since tried to locate her on Facebook, yet even with a ‘not so common’ last name. I’ve sent her a text, to no avail. Admittedly, I haven’t called her. I thought written word might be a better way to ease into conversation. Now…am I saying she was an angel? No. Am I saying she was just a woman? No. Am I saying she could have been either? Yes. But the real moral of the story is this. To me, on that day, she was both. 

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.  – Hebrews 13:2

 

 

Slap my knee and call me happy! I hazzz arrived!

WHEW! That's about all I can say about that. Am I the only one in the free world that's ever owned a blog for several days (ahem, cough months cough ack) and hasn't posted one blog to it? Sheesh. And here I actually thought blogging was simply writing and sharing. Myth #1! Apparently to be successful in the 'blog world' you have to know approximately 3.7 tri-zillion different things AND very possibly be current on code? WHAT? Me thinks not. I laugh in the face of computer codes! HA HA HA HA HA ! 

Seriously, though. What the heck are trackbacks? Pingbacks? Callbacks? Oh wait, no that's acting. Duh. CSS code, or CCS, FBI, CIA, VIP, MIA or whatever they want to call it. RSS feeds, and the list goes on and on and on. And here I thought I was gonna just get to blog. I mean, I've tried clicking on the "change font color" box 37 times, and do you think it's opened for me to be able to adjust it? Do you see feminine colored words? Exactly. Oh that's right, I guess in blog world, black is the new pink!

So, here I am. I've got a weird hankerin' for  Cheetos to munch on but instead? I'm stuck chewing on my pen. Such is life. Uh oh. Oops. So I guess it turns out that you actually have to have text going for the font color to be able to adjust. So uh, yeah. Guess that makes sense. Hey look. Pink! Oops. No. Pink? Rats. Nope. Wait, what? Dang it, Napoleon! Ah-ha-ha-ha!  PINK! And, now that I've finally amused myself, I guess it's time to give ya an idea why I'm here. (Drum roll please...)

I'm pretty much here to blog. LOL No.......really? Ya don't say Heather! YES! Can you believe it? As you can see by the name I've chosen for this particular blog, it's purpose is for just about everything a writer is responsible for. I'm here to make you laugh. I'm here to be silly, act crazy goofy, be all A.D.D., laugh at myself so you don't have to.

Sometimes, I will be here to make you cry with real live stories of my life and experiences. But never fear, because sometimes I will be here to give the illusion of being flighty because, well just keepin' it real - it's just darn tootin' funny! I'm here to be satirical. I'm here to sometimes be elusive, and sometimes be transparent. All based on my mood and how much I wanna share at the time of a post. And of course, probably more transparent on PMS days. TMI, I know. But you're still reading. So it's-awl-good-hunay-it's-awl-good.  :o)P

Opes, looky there! Hi, it's me! Little ol' black text. You know what they say. And if you don't know what they say, it's cool. Just find somebody who sometimes says neat stuff, and go with that. Welp folk, looks like it's time for me to be boot scootin' boogy-in' on outta he-ya. So, be looking for some other things coming your way. My devotional blog, and a brand new page on Facebook where I can post all these things and any freelance articles, without bombarding my personal page.

'Sides, I typically like to save that page for ya know, super important stuff, like spaghetti sauce recipes and rants about loving stilettos. So be sure to check my about me page to become a fan on Facebook and my other blog. Most bloggers just have widgety's and badges and hopey changey things all over their blogs. But, read the beginning of my post again. Yeah. For me? It's just easier to post links in my about me section. Kk?

So.......sit back, slap your seatbelt on, bring tissues, bring Gas-X for the extra funny blogs that might make you have that ever so gentle urge to flatulate, and no flatuate's not a word but that's what's cool about blogs. You can just make up words as ya go. I love that. Oh, and don't forget to enjoy the ride! And...if you're gonna ride in my blog car, you need to have an understandin' that all Cheetos will be shared. Oh. And I like Dr. Pepper. :)

So welcome eury'body. Consider this your personal invite to bein' all up in muh grill!